This is about how I feel after Con.

(Sung to the tune of "The Tiki Room Song")

 
In the Umbra Umbra Umbra Umbra Umbra Room,
In the Umbra Umbra Umbra Umbra Umbra Room,
You can hang out there,
Ragabash or Ahrune,
In the Umbra Umbra Umbra Umbra Umbra Room.

(Dark Ages)

-Orcon '98

(LA by Night)

The Coachman and Michelle the Pyro, both gouls of Bela, and 
Jennette, a Setite who was recently given to Bela as a new wife, 
are all in a room together. . .

::Jennette gets bord and starts to leave the room::

::The Coachman sees this and, being instructed to watch her, gets
up and stands in her way::

Coachman: Whoa there.
Jennette: ::annoyed:: What?
Coachman: You're not supposed to leave this room.

::Jennette blows off the Coachman and strides out of the room::

Coachman: ::calls after her:: He said he'd kill you. . .

::looks at Michelle the Pyro and shrugs::

Michelle the Pyro: No, he said he'd kill ::points:: *you*.

::The Coachman does a classic "Oh crap!" take and runs out
of the room::

(LA Strategicon '97)

(What is wrong with this picture?)

 
Pooka: (To person in danger.) "Come with me, you'll be safe."

-Todd

(LA Strategicon '97)

(Improvised costuming, Bone Gnawer Headware, and ritul components. What do all these things have in common?)

 
I was playing in a Bone Gnawer at the Garou game at con and I didn't 
have any costuming because I was leaving on a plane for school in a 
couple of hours.  My friend Tall John offered me anything he had 
with him for me to wear.  I had on a shell top and I snagged a dress 
shirt and two pairs of boxer shorts of his.  One pair of boxers I wore 
as, well, shorts.  The other pair I wore on my head as a hat. 
Apparently, the circumference of Tall John's waist is more then the
circumference of my head because I had to cinch it with a rubber band
at the nape of my neck.  Everybody loved it!  It looked really good. 

Well, early in the game the Totem Spirits known as the Black Furies
show up and start cussing out the Black Fury pack for not avenging
the death of a Fianna Female a year earlier.  The murder was 
quickly ferreted out and a trial by all the females of the Sept was 
convened in the Umbra.  We're all sitting there when the Spirit 
Furies (played by Umbra Boy Adam) spotted my hat and said,

"Garou females should not wear silly male underwear on their 
heads."  And pulled it off. (Ouch, Adam, you didn't know about the 
rubber band.)  

I sat there looking pouty, turned to my friend, a Black Fury Ragabash 
named "Means Well", and said,

"They took off my hat." ::pout pout pout::

I put my "hat" on normally over the other pair of boxers at least until 
the spirit Furies left.  I forgot to put them back on as a hat later.

Time passed and it was realized that my pack Alpha, Spot, had gone missing when a 
bunch of people in the umbra had run into this huge Weaver thingy.  The Silver 
Pack was there, looking for successors, it was decided that looking for, and 
possibly rescuing, Spot would be the test for possible initiates.  There was a 
Stargazer Theurge there who had a ritual that could possibly locate Spot, but he 
said he would need something of Spot's.

"Hay!  I have something of Spot's!" I declared, promptly took off the top pair of 
boxers, and held them aloft triumphantly.  There was a brief pause as people 
looked from the pair in my raised hand to the pair I was still wearing, because 
nobody in that hallway besides Means Well and I knew that I had been wearing TWO 
pairs of boxers.

We took some out of game time to finish up laughing and then proceeded to get 
our asses whuped and discover that our beloved Spot was no more. . .

::sniff::

I'm gonna enshrine those Boxers.

-Little Junk, Bone Gnawer Ragabash

(LA Strategicon '97)

(Spending too much time imerseing yourself in Gamer Culture may be bad for you)

 
I was hanging out with my mute friend and this guy.  
He was singing all night.  Just going;

"We got da' funk."
"Who stole the funk?"

So I started singin' along, then I just decided to name him the 
Funkmaster of Soul.  And he told me I had to be the Funk Adept.

So we made name tags.

(LA by Night)

 
So I'm sitting in one of two rooms that this Anarch game is going 
on in.  It's all empty except for me, who's watching the narrator
snack table, and a bunch of people playing a contingent of Kindred
from San Diego. ((Oddly enough, mostly plaied by a contingent of 
players from San Diego.))

This guy, playing a San Diego Brujah called "Crowbar", comes strideing
into the room, 

"Oh great!  There's people in here and some of them are mine! This is
what you see;  I come crashing through this wall." (indicates the wall
between our room and the other "in game" room.) "I'm covered with blood,
I'm WEARING a mango on my left hand, I have my crowbar in my right hand,
and I have annother mango tucked under this arm. . ."

After making that announcement to us, the stunned onlookers, he procedes
to indicate crashing through the wall, flying across the room, and landing
on a table destroying it.  He then stands up and says,

"I just had a mango duel in the pit!  And I think I won!!!"

(Fun with Garou. . .)

There's Julia, who's this Lupis Bone Gnawer Theurge with a nack for knowing
When the cops, whom she calls "Bacon", are going to show up.
 
Whenever she senced they were near she'd lanch into this bit taken from
a dog treat comercal.

BACON

BACON

BACON

BACON!!!

 
She and the rest of her pack (A homid Ragabash Feonna named "Meghan
Reaks-of-Cloves", and a Gnawer kinfolk called "Jonny Angry-Jonny".)
show up at a Star Wars 20th Annaversery party at the San Diego 
Convention Center to investigate the death of her local tribe Elder.
They're talking to some locals when Julia catches wind of a couple of low
level Pentex agents nearby. . . .

::Julia starts sniffing compulsivly::
Meghan: Smell Bacon?
Julia: Humph, smell Bacon. . .Bacon gon *baaaaaaad*.

(Taking the idea of being prepaired just a little too far. . .)

Player1: Hay, got any idea about what our friend here could play
   tonight?
Player2: I think I just may have a Black Spiral in my pocket.

(Here's one Sabbat who knows how to make the right friends)

 
Arch-Bishop: I need to be able to trust you three.

Three random Sabbat: ::look at eachother and nod::

Arch-Bishop: We need to kill the Prescus.

1st Random Sabbat: You need somebody dead?

Arch-Bishop: Yes.

1st Random Sabbat: ::holds out his hand:: I don't think that's going
 to be a problem.

::Eveybody looks down to look at the little cresent moon on the palm of his 
hand::

2nd Random Sabbat: ::Gives the 1st Random Sabbat "5":: I agree. ::holds out her 		
hand for a return "5" to reveal a little cresent moon on her hand::

3rd Random Sabbat: You know, I think this is going to be fun. ::offers his hand             
with a little cresent moon for the others to shake::

Arch-Bishop:  Damn, I'm good.

(LA by Night)

So there's this LA by Night game at Con and we're all playing representatives of various gangs at a meeting called by Jeramy McNeal.  
I'm in the Torrence gang and we're having a little rivalry with the 
Long Beach gang.  So what do those Long Beach guys do?  Right off they 
come strutting up to us and start buggin'.  We start throwing insults 
at eachother and I make a comment about how thier water glows in the 
dark. . .

Rex: (Long Beach guy) You dissin' my waves girl?  You dissin' my waves?
Me: No man, I'm not dissing your waves. . .I'm dissing your *water*.

This really upset poor Rex. . .

Now there's this rule at the meeting that you can't just haul out and wack 
somebody, if you have a problem with somebody you have to go to the "pit".  
Which is the designated fighting aria presided over by Bela. ((See L A By 
Night))  Now it starts to look like we're gonna take it to the pit But it gets 
all worked out.  So I'm thinking about actually making a peace offering when 
my friend Bree who's playing one of my "homies" (Geeze it feels odd to type 
that.) tugs on my sleeves and points.  What I see is a hotel staffer leaving  a 
large, half full, water cooler bottle unattened.  I grab the bottle and go 
stridding up to Rex.

ME: Hay Rex!  I got a gift for ya!
Rex: Ah man, you're baggen on my water again.  That's not cool.
Me: I'm not baggen on your water dude, I'm giving you a gift.  See
      water is so important to you. . .and you don't seem to have any
      on you . . . so I thought I'd give you a gift. . .see, now I'm hurt. 
Rex: "You PV huggin' lover!"
Me: "That's _IT_ man!  Let's go.  You, me, pit, NOW!"

-You sorta need to be from Torrence to get that
(LA Gamex)

(Gypsys)

-Adam & Todd

(Project Twilight)

 
So I'm this NPC Security Guard, named after one of my old collage room
mates, and I walk in on two other security guards with their guns pulled
on two sets of argueing people, some of which have been shot.  We search
them all and find these really funky guns. (Extra-terrestrial tech actually)
I take all these guns off them, and while I'm frisking this one who looks like 
Alex Trabeck, (I didn't say he *was* Alex Trabeck I said he *looks* like Alex
Trabeck.) and while I'm frisking him he pulls out one of these high tech level
guns and pistol whips me with it.  My gun goes off and wings him in the ear and
I took the gun away from him.  Then this MIB walks up to me as I'm finishing up
saying he's FBI, I had just hooked up with one of the FBI people wandering around
so I (foolishly) believed him.  He starts to say that he needs to comfiscate the 
weapons while I'm scearching the last one.  At this point "Alex" drops a *?% 
plasma grenade and they all run off except for two.  I spot them run off, I spot 
the grenade, I yell "Grenade!".  And we all manage to hit the floor *as* it goes 
off.  The MIB had pushed the guy I was scearching, and grabed me as we were 
hitting the dirt.  Now imagen, you're just some shmoe rent-a-cop, you've got an 
armfull of weapons that look like something out of Star Treck, a *grenade* has 
just gone off, and the "FBI agent" who just saved your life is sitting there over
you, his suit is on *FIRE* and he says, "Like I said, I need to confiscate 
those."  I said, "YOU'RE ON FIRE!".  At which point he pulls a gun on the guy I 
had been frisking and says, "Put me out. Now.", Turns back to me, "I need to 
confiscate those."

(Project Twilight)

Okay, so I'm playing this random NPC who's a security guard.  Lots of 
weird things had been going on and lot of the other "security guards"
were being replaced by Bastet Kinfolk, Ghouls, and Illuminati (Oh my!) 
and such like that. I truely believe I was the only "normal" one left
by the end of the game.  At the end of the game a bunch of Cathulu fixated
occultists had opened up a portal and let this visisatude creature through
because they thought he *was* Cathulu.  I walk into the room where this 
happened just in time to see it pull my the friend I had made in the 
FBI through a wall and absorb him.  The shot gun I had with me did absolutely
nothing to it. (The NPC was a member of the NRA) So I went running out of
the room to see if I could find something better.  I went looking for that
aformentioned MIB who had those funky guns he took from me.  I found the 
pile of ash that used to be him but luckly one of the guns was there on the
floor.  I grab it and run back twords the room.  "Cathulu" had moved out into the 
Ball Room by that time I was detained by my FBI friend who was now a "Cathulu 
zombie".  I felt bad but I blew him away with my shotgun. (Ever play Resadent 
Evil?)  And planted myself infront of the Cathulu Visisitude creature, pointed 
the Tech Level 5 gun at it, and told it to taste blaze'in electric death.  It 
looked at me. . . It waved it's tenticals at me. . . I pulled the trigger. . .

*click*. . .
"shit." 
*click*
*clickclickclick*
((I'm told a similer problem led to the MIB being turned into a pile ash))

Ya know dear reader, Cathuluesque visisitude creatures smilling gleefully at 
you are seldom the harbingers of joy.

It tried to grab me, but I didn't want to end up like my FBI friend who was now 
putting his head back together from my shotgun shells.  So I ran away

I ran out into the hall where I came upon a bunch of unconsious crynos with 
their poor Alpha standing disponditly over them, also in crynos. ((She was 
kinfolk, just didn't know it, so no dilerium.)) He looks at me, I look up at him, 
and I say, "Look dude, I just went toe to toe with *Cathulu*, you don't scare 
me."

(Project Twilight)

I was playing a cop, looking over a person I just arrested who 
was on the ground.  When I suddenly got kicked in the back in the 
head .  I turned around and somebody dressed as a security guard 
was attacking me.  I managed to fight him off and cuff him.  Then the 
head of the security agency walked up and asked me what was going on.

Me:  "This guy just kick me in the head!
Head Security guy: ((To his partner)) "Did you just kick a LAPD officer 
					in the head???"
Kicker: "Well you know, it just happens sometimes. . ."

(Barstow by Night)

((A bumbling Hitman, describing his ONLY sucsessful
Hit to the Kindred Prince of the city.  Hit MAN not
Hit MARK.))

Hitman: So he's goin' in for this apendectomy right?
	I decide to send this guy his very last meal.
	So I go to this place with really sneaky 
	delivery boys and I send him a Huge serving 
	of Linguini.  Which I know is his favorite.
	So the linguini goes in, the guy goes under
	the knife. . . and he dies of compications.
Prince: So?  You didn't kill him, the Doc did.
Hitman: So, your not supposed to have food before
	an apendectomy. . .that's why he died!
	It was perfict!  Everybody knew how much
	he loved the stuff, they all just assumed
	he had had it sliped in himself!  Totally
	untraceable.
Prince: Well, how do you know it was your linguini
	that killed him?
Hitman: Because I've got the recipt! 
	::whips out a lamenated recipt from "Big
	Tony's Italian Take Out & Delivery" for
	One large order of linguini $6.95 + tax::

(The Ties That Bind)

I was so physiced that Adam was letting the Gypsies from last con 
have a reuntion.  And I'm sitting there making prop cards for all 
the daggers I have on me.  The rest of the Gypsies come walking up 
and they want to make item cards too.  So I make a bunch of dagger 
cards for all of us until it's getting close to game time.  I have 
to go and find the group of people I'm arriveing in game with.  
About five minits after I wander off from the rest of the Rom 
players, I sit bolt upright. . .

Me: OH MY GOD!!!
Others: What?  What's wrong?
Me: I left the Rom with a _stack_ of 3x5 cards!!!

I rush back into the other room where I left them and there 
they are, all hunched around the table, gleefully scribbling
away.  

The horror. . . the horror.

(Open mic night at the Grand Moot)

  There problem with the Werewolf game, was that when we were trying to
roll play, the Red Tallons kept coming up to the Glass Walkers and talking
about how "we are all one brethren".
 

-Situation-A-OK of the Glass Walkers

(The Ties that Bind)

The REAL Toreador's bane:

A Toreador with more Social Traits than everybody else in the game put
together times 3, entrances a group of Gypsies. . .


Gypsies: Hey, you're incrediblly handsome.......
Toreador: Oh why thank you.
Gypsies: well, for a gaje anyway."

(How to Tell When Two Players Are REALLY Happy about their characters)

John: "Hey Todd?"
Todd: "Yeah?"
John: "You know what's funny?
Todd: "What?"
John: "We're playing Guido and Nunzio."
Todd: "Yeah."

::pause::

Todd: "Hey John?"
John: "Yeah?"
Todd: "You know what's funny?"
John: "What?"
Todd: "We're playing Guido and Nunzio."
John: "Yeah."

::pause::

John: "Hey Todd?"

-Guido and Nunzio

(A wraith's harrowing a la Happy Adam)

Okay, You're in a brand spanking new, candy apple red, Ferrari.  Strait
strech of road, goes on forever.  No cops. Full tank of gas.  And a speed
bump every two feet.  Now just imagine that for the next half an hour and
I'll be right back. . .

(THE most frightening thing you'll ever hear from a Gypsy player)

-The Warriors of the Burning Tears
(Or "Mirella and her Goon Squad")

(Barstow By Night)

 
"When somebody says to you, 'I'm the Vampire Prince of Barstow', 
an approprite answer is not, 'Well, DUH!'!"

(Barstow By Night)

-Brad. Night Manager @ Barstow McDonald's

(The Tree Of Life)

 
A situation at a vampire game where there is a doorway that somebody,
hereafter called "Chick",  wants to go through and annother person,
hereafter called "Burt", won't let them through.

Chick: Let us in.
Burt: No
Chick: I activate your beast trait.
Burt: You activate MY beast trait? We need a Narraitor.
Narraitor: What's up?
Burt: She's trying to activate my beast trait.
Narraitor: Let's see your character sheet.
((Burt hands Narraitor his character sheet, Narraitor looks at the sheet
and  holds it in front of his face to the Chick won't see him supress a
laugh.  Hands Burt back his sheet.))
Narraitor: Nothing happens.
Burt: Ha ha! *SLAM*

So let that be a lessen to all you kindred out there;

If you're gonna activate somebody's beast trait. . .

Make sure that they *are not* a mortal first.

(The Tree Of Life)

Let me see if I've got this right. . .


You want to avoid a human sacrafice. . .

                    
So your calling in Vlad _THE IMPAILER_ for help?

(If you spend all your time narraitting in a LARP's "Umbra Room" people are bound to talk)

- Happy Adam

(V:TM Con LARP)

"Bill?  The Bunny People are argueing that since 
they're from Mars that they all must be 1st generation. . ."

"Okay, so the Bunny People from Mars called in 
the mother ship  and flew off just before sunrise?  
I wonder how they'll react when they find out it's 
just a Ravnos Chimistry Illution. . ."

-Bill

(JC In Portland)

 
"ROLL IT ON IN GUYS!" "Skweeky, skweeky, skweeky. . .
 Excuse me, commin' through." "skweeky, skweeky, skweeky.
I'm sorry, was that your foot? Oh well, it'll grow back.
MAKE WAY!" "skweeky, skweeky, skweeky, skweeky. . . .
Almost there fellas." "Skweeky, skweeky, skweeky. . .screach!"
::knock knock:: "Sir?  I have brought you my latest creation!

Oops, back it up." "Skweeky, skweeky, beep! Skweeky, beep!

screach!"

(Berlin by Night)

(post game disscussion)

 
"And they said, 'She must be evil.', and I said, 'I wouldn't say 
evil.  But defanetly a bitch.'"

(Berlin by Night)

 
Malkcontent: "She's got you Evil Brain!  What do you do?"
The Count:   "I jiggle"
Malkcontent: "Oh my God!  You've figured out the Evil Brain's 
	     secrit move!"

(Pre-game disscution)

 
Make-up artest:  "You may want to go into labor at some point."
Player:          "Do you think I should?"
Make-up artest:  "It would certainly add to the drama."

(Berlin by Night)

(The Ruins of Arbolesque)

  
"They used the nun as a mele weapon!"

"Yeah, and when she slamed into the wall next to me I figured, 
'hay, fast food'."

(The Ruins of Arbolesque)

(post game disscussion)

 
"It's not so much that you guys named your characters 'Cash 
and Sasha'.  But he's now the Gangrel Primogen. And so we must 
hurt you both."

(Bast, the Egyption Cat goddess of scortching heat, addressing Tutu the Doublely Evil bane mummy)

(People are so rude. . .)

(Phoenex Assention)

Michelle: HAY FRED!  GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!
Bill: Way to keep the Masqurade Michelle.

(Nature Of The Beast)

(JC In Portland)

(Nature Of The Beast)

"If I hear one more person say, 'Cain was a Caitiff.', I'm going to go postal!"

(JC In Portland)

-"Chewy" - But don't you dare call me that.

(At the local chapter house. . .)

Shadow Lord: Worm taint?  Would you like some worm taint?  Worm taint anyone?
Packmate:  Dude, you don't offer a member of the _Inconnu_ a FRENCH FRY!!!!

(post game disscution)

Player:  So I went to the place that she told me about, and there was nothing 	
	 there. . .
Peanutgallery: WHAT!?!?!?  You can lie in Live Action???

(Tree Of Life)

A long line of people are proceding through a door, standing at the door is a 
kindred using aura perseption to make sure they belong there.

Random Person: Are all these people supposed to be going in there?
Doorman: Yes, I've checked them all aura'ly.

(Internal monologue of a Pooka)

(The Second City)

-Mad Prophit

(Elders)

 
A Selubri walking around wairing a button that said. . .
 "Ask me about Golconda"